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Dr.Atwood
Dr. Andrew D. Atwood
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Social Worker, Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
A Word of Caution:
Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage is laden with the explicit sexual language that is needed to adequately address the issues that are inhibiting you from having a more fulfilling sexual relationship. While intimate subjects are tastefully addressed, the use of explicit sexual language is common throughout.
"Dear Dr. Atwood:
From the bottom of my heart, I wish to thank you for such a caring, thoughtful and professional response. How blessed I am to have stumbled upon your web site. I learned a great deal from reading your response, and was touched by the time you put into it. I think you're right on the money. . . Thanks to you, I realize my very large part in my own mess; I realize I've played a staring role in my own suffering. I shall read your on-line book and then endeavor with all my might to move beyond reading to taking action on what I've read.
Thank you for your wonderful response - and wake up call. M.G."
FREE BONUS OFFER!
A Reader Response to "How to Confront Your Partner"
Dr. Atwood,
Thank you so much for your response. I am scared but I am going to have that talk with my husband. I do love him so much and I am going to trust that he can handle what I have to say and we can see some positive change. I really feel as though a weight has been removed just having a plan for what I am going to do because this has really been eating at me. You have been a blessing to my life. Thank you!
What helpful advice could I give to someone who writes and says, “ . . . I can’t continue to live like this anymore . . . .”?
How many emails have I received from people who are incredibly frustrated with their partner, with themselves, and with their relationship?
Read these e-mails, as I have, and listen to these wonderful people.
Can you identify at all with their struggles?
Sometimes the issues are pretty clear, as when someone writes me and shares that his wife “lost her job 5 months ago and is having a hard time finding a new one. She is feeling down and depressed and is putting our relationship aside. She is also only into her feelings, and our sex life in the past 6 months has gone from bad, to worse. There is hardly any passion or playfulness left. Any advice?” Well, believe it or not, this is a pretty easy one.
Depression, and the medications to treat it, is very common among “sexless marriages.”
And this situation is pretty clear as well. “Nearly a year ago, my wife had a complete hysterectomy at the age of 30. Now she says she has no sex drive at all. Maybe I am being a self-centered jerk, but, I am still human and I still have wants and needs. This is starting to put a lot of stress on me. Can anything be done about this before it ruins our marriage? Help!”
There are all sorts of big and obvious, as well as small and easily missed physical problems that can interfere with
sexual desire.
It gets harder when “family enmeshment,” as we Marriage and Family Therapists refer to it, gets involved. “My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we have a child together. He lived with his mother until I got my first apartment, and then he moved in with me. Gradually he started to spend more time with his friends, and less with me. Our sexual relationship just shriveled up to nothing. He wouldn’t talk about it, so I told him to leave. He went home to his mother’s. We have worked a lot of our problems out since then, but he won’t move back in with me. What should I do?”
Enmeshment, alliances, power struggles, identity confusion, lousy communication . . . there are a lot of “family dynamics” that can show up in the bedroom!
Sometimes the issues get complex and layered one on top of another. “Right before we got married I started experiencing a lack of sexual interest. As we have stayed married it has declined to nothing. My husband insisted that I go into therapy about 5 years ago to deal with this. He has an extremely high sex drive, has always been VERY interested in erotica and now is, I think addicted to pornography. As time moved on, I always felt that he was trying to force me or coerce me or scare me into being more sexual with him. He thinks the greatest intimacy comes from sex, and I don’t think like that. He feels trapped and like he is desperate to escape. He believes he can find someone more sexually compatible. What can I do to reach out to him? How can I help him? I try to listen to his anger and let him know that I understand how he feels. I want to be supportive. Most of all, I don’t want to lose him, but I am afraid it is too late. Any suggestions would be so appreciated.” Wow . . . I had to think about this one for a week before I wrote her back!
There are a lot of complicated issues surrounding one’s “arousal threshold” and “orgasmic threshold” that all mix together under the heading “the control of
sexual desire.”
Then there are the special issues that pop up, such as this. “All of my past partners were always happy to proceed in oral sex. Whenever my new partner pleasures me with oral sex he can’t get an erection. What is this about? No one every had this problem with me before?” So she has some issues, and he has some issues, and as is always the case, the relationship suffers.
Remember, there are many, many possible reasons why a sexual relationship doesn’t work well.
I’ve spent over 60,000 hours with people over the last 30 years, and a lot of those people have struggled with a lousy sexual relationship. You see, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Social Worker in Michigan, and the co-founder of the Fountain Hill Center for Counseling and Consultation. Today, I work with 11 other people in a multi-disciplinary group where we are all trying to help people to get along, and to get ahead in life.
“Helping people to get along,
and to get ahead in life.”
In order to be helpful to people who are struggling with a “sexless marriage” I have created this website. Truthfully, I am the “content expert” and my son, Dave, is the Webmaster. It is a great team effort here; my right brain and his left brain! There are others involved as well, but you can check that out on your own.
Here is some of the help I have to offer you.
After three decades of clinical work, reading the best books and research articles, and after talking with people for hour upon hour, I have taken the information I’ve learned and the wisdom I have accumulated and I have packaged it all together in a big e-book titled,
Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage.
You can purchase it here (and ONLY here!) in either a downloadable format, or if you want to be a little more discrete, you can order a hard-copy which will be sent to you via US Mail.
What I have written is Hopeful, Frank, Informative, Sexually Explicit, and . . . believe it or not . . . fairly Humorous.
If you lose your sense of humor about all this, the shame and anxiety will kill you!
Is your relationship stuck on the
side of the road?
Are you full of frustration, awkwardness, anxiety, shame, and confusion?
Remember, don’t lose your sense of humor! If you can’t laugh at yourself you will surely suffer from serious-itis!
With some help, your relationship
could be like this!
Yes, your situation can change!
Believe me, I know that you might doubt my optimism, but I have seen people change, and I have seen people grow to love, and make love with each other in new and life changing ways.
Here’s another email. “My husband and I seldom have sex. I crave for his affection. It’s almost as if he finds sex sinful. I have to ask all the time. He doesn’t kiss, nor does he show me any affection. I don’t feel connected anymore. In fact, I’m not sure if I want to stay married to him. He claims that he loves me, but can’t seem to find the time for intimacy. I’m lucky if we have sex once a month. What should I do?”
What should you do?
Don’t give up hope! So often in life we face a crisis, we work and work to find a solution that will bring us relief, but it isn’t until we are ready to give up (or, until we have given up!) that some miraculous answer comes from somewhere out of the blue!
Work TODAY with the advice I share in my big e-book, Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage. It’s a safe, 100% money back guarantee offer, so what do you have to lose?
Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage
is my big e-book and it is 175 pages long.
It is full of helpful information and advice about the many, many issues that confront people that are stuck in a sexless marriage. Once again, let me remind you that it is “Hopeful, Frank, Informative, Sexually Explicit, and . . . believe it or not . . . fairly Humorous”. I should also mention that it is fairly comprehensive. If there is a subject matter that you think I have missed, or that you think I have treated too lightly, just email me and I will do the research for you, and write you with some sound advice.
Here’s what you will get for FREE. . .
FREE BONUS NO. 1 – What Can I Do About My Low Self-Esteem In My Sexless Marriage? This is one of the most common questions put to me by those who email for help. Sometimes the struggle for self-esteem is imbedded in the dilemma of a sexless marriage problem, and sometimes the person who writes me just puts the question right to me in a clear and unambiguous message. I’ve written what I call a 5-page “dialogue paper” and you can ONLY get it for FREE as a bonus when you purchase the big e-book
FREE BONUS NO. 2 - How do I confront my partner with a problem I am having with my partner, without hurting my partner’s feelings? I wrote this unique10-page “dialogue paper” in response to a number of people who wanted an answer to this common question. To be really specific, the email that finally pushed me to research and write was this: “How do I tell my partner that I don’t find my partner to be especially attractive anymore since my partner has put on so much extra weight?” Having just finished 6 months on the Atkins diet myself, I was sort of focused on this weight thing! (And I am on it for life!) God only knows how many of us have packed on too much weight and in the process turned off the libido! But as I began to write, I realized that there were all sorts of issues around which one partner struggled to confront another – money, kids, in laws, lack of desire, pornography, an affair . . . the list is pretty long. Most confrontations turn ugly. This paper is also written as a “dialogue paper,” back-and-forth, as I imagine you sitting across from me in my office. This 10-page paper is yours for FREE when you purchase the big e-book.
So there you have it! A Terrific Offer.
Purchase a downloadable copy of the big e-book Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage for $24.95, (or purchase a hard-copy that will be mailed to you for $34.95). With the big e-book you also receive 2 FREE BONUSES.
What Can I Do About My Low Self-Esteem In My Sexless Marriage? is also yours for FREE when you purchase the big e-book.
How do I confront my partner with a problem I am having with my partner, without hurting my partner’s feelings? This 10-page paper, also written in response to numerous emails, is yours for FREE when you purchase the big e-book.
Whatever you do, do something NOW so that you don’t end up like this!
“I’m a male who has been married for almost 23 years and the past 22 have been nearly sexless. For the past several years, I have given up initiating sex, as my advances were rejected the majority of the time. Which would drive me totally nuts and make me very angry, besides making me feel totally undesirable. I feel miserable and sometimes depressed. I know I would be a much happier person if I had a normal sex life, and it would be easier for me to show non-sexual affection. Please tell me your thoughts on this situation.”
Or, are you already like this? After all, someone did actually write this letter to me.
And believe, me, I have had others who have challenged me to think and feel right along with them as they struggle with shame, control, anxiety, fear, guilt, anger, and utter confusion.
Living in a sexless marriage can be incredibly difficult for both of you. But remember . . .
There is hope!
No Risk 100% Money Back Guarantee!
Because this isn’t like going to a bookstore and thumbing through a bunch of books you just took off the shelf, it only makes sense to offer you a 100% money back guarantee. If, within 90 days, you are not satisfied with the big e-book, or the FREE materials, just email me and your money will be refunded. No hassles. So what do you have to lose if you continue as you are now, or if you try yet one more time by purchasing now?
Where can you go for help around such a sensitive and personal subject?
With whom are you comfortable enough to talk about this sort of stuff?
Right here. This is the place where “Hopeful Solutions” are being made available for people struggling with a sexless marriage.
And remember, if I can be of help along the journey of life, drop me an email and I will do my best to give you a thoughtful response. If you do email me, and am tardy in getting back to you, it is because of a busy caseload. I average 40 billable hours a week, and sometimes it is a challenge to find the time to write. Your patience is appreciated.
Here’s hoping you have a wonderful life together!
Warm Regards,
PS: Go for the bargain! Purchase the big e-book and receive 2 FREE offerings!
1. What Can I Do About My Low Self-Esteem In My Sexless Marriage?
2. How do I confront my partner with a problem I am having with my partner, without hurting my partner’s feelings?
PPS: And remember, you have a RISK FREE 100% GURANTEE!
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